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(no subject) [Apr. 28th, 2005|02:43 pm]
[mood |aggravatedaggravated]
[music |Jimmy Eat World - Kill]

I was right. I was right the WHOLE FUCKING TIME.

Am I surprised? Not really.. but I thought it might be different this time.

I was wrong.

Just like every other time. I get built up, thinking I might acctually have a chance.. only to be knocked right back down. I'm tired of it. I don't know what it is. What exactly is wrong with me? What is it that I don't have? What is it that they want that I can't give?

I'm tired of it.. I really am..

I can't help it baby, this is who I am
Sorry, but I can't just go turn off how I feel
You kill me, you build me up, just to watch me break
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away

Jimmy Eat World - Kill
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Why the hell not? [Mar. 8th, 2005|10:31 pm]
[mood |confusedconfused]
[music |Jimmy Eat World - Your House]

Every once and a while I feel the need to update this thing. Don't know why. Just need to vent a little, I guess. So here goes.

Nothing has changed since the last time I updated. No, really. Absolutely nothing. And it sucks. It sucks bad. I continue to wonder day after day why I even bother sometimes. Why I bother trying to be nice to people, only to be shit on later on. Why I continue to hold out hope, yet I know the same thing is just gonna happen again. You'd think I'd learn by now, but no. Every time I start thinking "Now it's my chance. Now maybe she'll see me in the way that I see her.." And by the end, it's back to the way it was and I'm left sitting there thinking "Wow. I'm a moron..." False hope sucks.

Junior prom is... what? A month away? Good god. Day after day I'm asked "Do you have a date yet?!" by my mother, and every day, I say no. I've given up hope. I really have. I'm tired of getting built up then just having my feet swept out from under me. It happens time and time again. Yet I never learn. I'm told "Just ask someone!" But I don't just wanna ask "someone"... blegh... whatever. I never had a chance.. I'm beginning to realize that more and more.

I don't think I even wanna go to the prom anymore. Why would I go when I'll just end up feeling the same way after every formal dance? Like shit, lonely, depressed, ect.. and it's probably not going to be any different this time around... whatever. It just makes me wonder why. Why am I not "good" enough?

I'm just rambling now. I have so many things that I want to say but when I try to convey them into actual words, they don't come out right.


I've said it before, and I'll say it again.

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